Two Years Ago Today
Journal Entry 1/14/10
Ecclesiastes 11:7-10
“Light is sweet and it pleases the eyes to see the sun. However many years a woman may live, let her enjoy them all. But let her remember the days of darkness, for they will be many. Everything to come is meaningless. Be happy young woman, while you’re young. And let your heart give you JOY in the days of your youth. Follow the ways of your heart and whatever your eyes see, but know that for all these things God will bring you to judgment. So then, banish anxiety from your heart and cast off the troubles of your body, for youth and vigor are meaningless.”
Two years ago today Jesus prepared my heart for the life that I was choosing to live. Two years ago today I wrote on the very first page of my old journal. Two years ago today I asked to know His heart in a new way. How could I have known what circumstances and situations to come would be a confusing heap of glorious wonder and unbearable pain. But He knew. He knew and He chose to lead me into it. He saw that I sincerely wanted Him and He still kept to His promise. His promise to answer the prayers of the girl who hungered and thirsted after Him.
Oh how I loved Him. I was so consumed in being in love that I didn’t see the pain that would come with this relationship. And as I look back to that day, I realize that through the confusing pain and difficult scenarios, I love Him more because of it. He’s proven faithful and constant. More than I have, that’s for sure. My love for Jesus has dug deeper into my being in a way that it can’t even explain itself. Did it hurt? Heck yes it hurt when I felt my heart being broken. But isn’t that what I’m supposed to experience to better understand His heart? Yes, His heart broke for me. (And of course for all those other millions of people in the world.) I have found that there is freedom in being a servant, there is joy in pain and there is a beauty in surrender.
Praise You Jesus for Your truth and praise You that there has never been a moment that You have ever thought of giving up on me! I’m here to live Your life and not my own and I’m here to see Your Kingdom come here to this world.
Journal Entry 1/14/12
I say to You again that I’m not giving up. I’m here and I am Yours. I love You more today than yesterday and I not only need to be with You.; I want to be with You. You have revealed Yourself to me and I’m blessed to see into the deep places of Your heart. Thank You for wanting me and looking upon me as worthy of Your love. I am not always happy but I am always blessed and I am always Yours and that is what matters. Thank You for giving me the freedom to be a girl with dreams and desires that may seem ridiculous but You placed them there and You don’t love me any more or any less because of them. I am eager to see the different things we will go through together in this next year. I love You Lord! I pray that on January fourteenth of two thousand and fourteen I will be even more in love with You and living even more radically in Your will… Amen.
Another Adventure into the Heart of God
On Wednesday my dear friend, Amy, and I were brainstorming and investigating how to help young girls caught in the sex trafficking industry. I’d made calls to girls on the craigslist through our local HopeHouse, and we both were ready to help where we could.
But we really wanted to do “search and rescue.” Seeing no official volunteer positions for that one, we went to prayer. As we prayed, I “saw” (in my mind’s eye) a fair, blonde girl. We both saw a mobile home park. And Amy heard the number “24”.
I can’t say we had any big Holy Spirit splashes, but we agreed that we couldn’t lose by stepping out on those three “words.”
So the next day, we traveled to the one mobile home park she had in mind. Nothing. We traveled 35 minutes to the next mobile home park I had in mind. (I had heard a few years back about a lot of prostitution there.)
My 16 year old daughter joined us in this adventure, and this is where her part came into play. As we bypassed the entrance and had to turn around (which hindsight we saw as essential to create perfect timing), Connie “saw” in her mind an old car with a rough looking man in the front seat and a blonde girl in the back seat.
Turning into the drive just before us was that car with that man! We followed the car. It pulled into their driveway and we pulled over and parked just beyond the driveway and all three of us piled out of our two cars. (I was aware of possibly looking like the KGB at that moment!)
As I turned when stepping out of the car, the first thing before my eyes was the house number: “24”! As their car door opened, I saw the blonde girl with an infant in the back seat. I couldn’t let the moment pass, so I asked the man about the mobile home park office (that’s what flew out of my mouth), and he went inside the get the phone number.
Meanwhile, we began to talk with the girl, the baby being a bridge builder for conversation. Long story short, she welcomed me laying hands on her baby and praying, and then doing so for her.
I honestly felt led to tell her the truth as to how we ended up there. Her eyes got really big. She told us that 2 days prior in the courtroom (getting a restraining order against the father), she shot up a prayer: “Lord, I need help.” Connie said, “God sees you, and loves you!”
We exchanged phone numbers and she spoke of wanting to get back to church. We hope to talk soon about a relationship with Jesus. We don’t know who this older man is in her life. Her story changed 4 times. But we’re taking her a Mother’s Day gift bag tomorrow, and we’ll see what God does next! What else might we see God do if we just listen and step out??!!
In the beginning…
In 1992, the Lord made it clear to me that making disciples was not an option, but a mandate. Little did I know how long the journey would be. It’s been filled with desire, attempts, mistakes, joys, tears, and discoveries. And now over 18 years later, it seems we’ve only just begun—again.